The following is a legitimate conversation with my mom.. I decided to document it because it explains our relationship so well…
“Yes, mom, who else would answer my phone?”
“Oh, hi! I just wanted to tell you that I don’t have a phone anymore.”
“What happened to your phone?”
“Oh, well, when the guy stole my car he took the battery out of it and chucked it out of the car so the police couldn’t track him,”
“Wait.. your car was stolen?! Why the hell didn’t you start with that?!”
“Oh, well, yeah he didn’t get far. The police found it within minutes.” Then she laughs, “I just got into work now and thought I’d tell you I have no phone now.”
Thinking about it, this was her way of trying to ease into a situation I’m sure was pretty scary and uncomfortable for her, but at the same time I was pissed because this is just another example of how my mom is more of a child than a grown adult.
My husband, who was right next me looked up. “What happened?” I relayed the conversation to him and he’s like.. “no, WHAT HAPPENED. How did it get stolen?!”
My mom didn’t say, but I made what ended up being an accurate guess. I told him if I had to guess, she hopped into a gas station to get Altoids (better than smoking at least), and had left her car running. Some dude sees this, gets in and rides off. I learned this from the news report issued that day, and not from my mother..
What is further frustrating, is that I technically owned that phone, and it will be me having to get her a new one…
It’s at least better than losing the car, which I also co-own and pay insurance on…. silver linings amirite?