Thanks “John”

Did I ever rant about my husband’s friend, who for the sake of this post we’ll call John…?

John served on the same sub as my husband back in 2005. They earned their fish together, which the kids found absolutely hilarious when they found the picture given to me to commemorate the occasion.

The fish, for those non navy savvy people announce that the sailor has officially qualified to be considered a true submariner..

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It’s a big deal…

A few years later John left the boat and then we did and life went on…

But the thing about the submariner world.. it’s comparible to a fish bowl. Those subs can go all over the world, but those sailors have this habit of bumping over each other no matter how long or far they go.

John’s son goes to my children’s school… he was their coach for football… A good guy by all standards but not exactly a friend we hang out with…

When I saw John in my digital photography class last semester…..I was not a happy camper…

See John represented my hubby’s world.. To John I’m Mr. A’s wife… What I love about my college life is that I am my own individual. Most of my life I have always been my mother’s daughter.. then my husband’s wife and additionally my children’s mother.. Going to school was the very first time in my existance where my identity was connected to myself…People asked how I was doing.. not how everyone else in my life was…

I LOVE that identity.. And there was John mucking up that individuality with questions like “how is your husband” There he was walking down the halls clearly violating the “Faithie Only” code… Sitting across from me and smiling at me and telling me to have a good day…. He even commented on my photos.. It was infuriating!!!!!

OOOOOOOhhhhh I was cold and every day recommitted to embody the art that is being Daria

Mid semester the whole fiasco with the timing of hubby getting out the military happened which caused panic about having to drop out..Fortunately, like magic we were saved if only temporarily.. Life felt fine and dandy..

Until during my Students Advocating for Gender Equality club meeting I got a text from hubby telling me that he had to deploy with the boat. And in the five minutes it took for the meeting to end and me to saunter to Digital Photography, I became a wreck.. I couldn’t even describe to you the conflicting emotions that come about when that awful wretched word comes up. Even worse when it once again becomes a reality I have to deal with.

(For the record.. I knew that the boat hubby was on was eventually was going to deploy.. however I didn’t really put two and two together with HIM going since he was getting out.. And my brain apparently wasn’t working enough for me to efficiently put the math within the situation together… )

John knew the situation with hubby.. Our meeting up in Digital Photography must have brought on some nostalgia and they went fishing and felt like men a week or two into the course…

Normally I am very composed and can hide such raw emotions.. but I think because I knew he knew…I broke my icy exterior if but for brief moment…

No one in all of my college existence would have understood the gravity of the situation.. I have a few friends that are military wives, don’t get me wrong.. but they are all with husbands whose careers are flourishing and with the security of years  continuing on. They aren’t like my husband and John who are good men being squeezed out of this career. I dunno if John left on his accord, but he served the same amount of years as my husband and left before he could retire. Other than a VA scholarship.. he gets nothing from his decade + serving. No retirement pay.. no health insurance.. maybe a pat on the back before being showed the unemployed line… And like my husband he has a family to take care of and  a house in his name that he has to maintain.. Only he could understand the plight my husband has been in..

At that point he was more than my husband’s shipmate. He was the only one on campus that could understand what I was going through..

I believe all I said was something along the lines of “Hubby just informed me he will be deploying…. I can’t believe I made a big deal of him getting out and now he’s staying in and getting deployed.. what the hell is worse?!”

He was quiet a moment.. and looked me in the eye and said “I’m sorry, but I know you’ll be ok.”

If anyone else had said that.. Daria me would have scoffed.. maybe even went on a sarcastic monologue about how one can never know…

Because he was my husband’s shipmate, and because I’ve never known John to lie…. I believed him…

And like that I was calm about it, because we’ve survived 3 deployments already.. Why wouldn’t we survive?

Hopefully when the awful D word does happen I’ll still believe his words.

It’s funny how this happened a month ago and I’m just finally taking the time to be thankful for this moment. Creepy Faith wants to message him and remind him of this moment and thank him for calming the dramatic seas that can be my emotions.. but that feels overly cheesy and dramatic.. Maybe I’ll mention it over drinks when we’re celebrating hubby’s return.. I’m kind of glad John was brave enough to cross the “Faithie only barrier”. He was in the right place at the right time…

After that moment, I tried to tone down the living embodiment of Daria in Digitial Photography class, but I doubt he noticed…Or maybe he did, but allowed me my space to keep being the individual I get to be on campus…. I guess that too can be discussed when we celebrate my husband’s return….

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3 thoughts on “Thanks “John”

  1. Hope you’re feeling better about the deployment now. And don’t worry about not putting two and two together and realising it equals deployment, I’ve done the exact same many many times! Denial can be a bitch huh? X

    1. Haha! It’s funny you mentioned that because my husband and I were just in a used book store and we stumbled upon a book on how to make your marriage deployment ready…and he said we didn’t need it lol..I was like PSH I get by just fine with denial thanks 😉

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