I keep sittng down, starting posts (17 since my last published post… since apparently we’re counting) and then either hating the vibe of the entire entry, or just running out of time and claiming I’ll come back. Saying I’m busy sounds like an excuse I’d give when I really just don’t want to do something.. Most of my posts have been my attempt to justify to my awesome readers how busy I am. That involves long lists of things that take up my time <~ who really wants to read that?! I apparently live it and don’t really want to put it out there, so I don’t expect you all to really want to read or care about it.
I am busy, but so is like 99% of the world… Getting a thrill out of overscheduling myself isn’t exactly a unique trait within our society is it? So like the circular argument it is, I then criticize myself for making excuses to not blog.. <~ Is this not the most pointless blog post you’ve ever begun to read?!
After getting dizzy over that stupid mind game, I decided to figure out the real WHY behind why I’m not blogging. If I’m being honest with myself, I already know the answer. I blog for many reasons, but the number one reason is because it is very theraputic. Writing has always been a way for me to understand my emotions whether they be good or bad. As I’ve become older I’ve started to be more aware about the power I give to the emotions I put forth. I decided at some point that I only really want to give power to the good emotions. Now this relates only to the emotions, or stories, that I share with the public. I understand that even the most painful of emotions have a purpose. That doesn’t mean we always have to share them with the world. In the past few years I have been praised as a leader in my small communities because I am always positive and that attracts people to you moreso than negativity. It doesn’t mean I’m ALWAYS happy, just that that I can smile through the bad days.
But lately..No.. I can’t smile during the bad days… I am tired, overscheduled, and stressed to the max.. All of which is in my best interest to share with the world, or get therapy.. Maybe both? Who knows at this point…
My biggest apologies to my fantastic readers who have stayed around while I am sinking…I will post more in the upcoming days/weeks about what’s going on… Most if it will be bitchy and ranty so if that’s not your thing I understand completely.