Facebook Friends

So here’s one of the small things that are kind of bugging me big time…

I wrote a little about this situation here It helps with background information of a certain situation that I am about to give further detail on. Gist is this: I was friends on facebook with a certain individual who later bashed me on that very same media outlet for a reason that my husband caused….. Which at the time was no big deal because drama loves drama.. I’m really not into keeping drama alive so I cut my losses..

But here’s the thing:..

What exactly do you do when someone you know keeps interacting with that person… And that person (ie my husband) was the one that caused the drama in the first place?

This is an awkward situation that is impossible to really describe without giving some details…

So here’s my attempt at bullet listing the good stuff

  • Husband asks shipmate why his wife has to be so dramatic on facebook
  • wife publicly bashes me on facebook and then unfriends me
  • Life is pretty darn peaceful because I didn’t have to see or deal with her drama (sorry other support group peeps) We see each other once at a boat function and say hello… but that’s happily all we have to deal with each other.
  • Support group peeps essentially ostracize her for her drama and they want nothing to do with her.
  • Friend on the boat asks my daughter to be in their wedding… they happen to be friends with drama wife
  • Bachlorette party all support group peeps ignore drama wife. That makes me sad so I am friendly to her (turn the other cheek and all right?)
  • Drama wife tells me how she talks to my husband all the time as our husbands have duty together (wait what.. *eye twitch) Apparently he always comments on her shoes and hair… Husband upon questioning says she stops by every duty day to chill with her husband.. and him apparently since he happens to be around.
  • Wedding happens.. It was beautiful.. Apparently drama wife and I have at least developed friendly terms
  • All night long husband talks essenantly about her. How he pities her and wants to know IN DEPTH my opinion of her. That wedding had me upset for many reasons.. but this was honestly icing on the cake (another post in and of itself)
  • More drama with wife happens, but since I stay away from most peeps associated with the boat I  am blessed to stay out of it.
  • For some odd reason the married friend posted something on drama friend’s facebook, and it showed up on my feed. When I highlighted to see what mutual friends we had in common.. among them was my husband…

Now I know that this probably a petty thing to be REALLY upset about… I could look beyond the fact that he gives her comments. That’s just being polite and I am no exception of the doing the same when I was in social settings with her.. There is, however, a big difference between pleasantries.. and straight up what the fuck.. <~ for lack of a better term right now…

I could look past the public rant on facebook because I could understand that she’s just a person who immerses herself in drama.  But my own husband FRIENDING her on facebook, hanging out with her and wanting to talk about her is three shades of what the hell. I dunno if I feel violated because he didn’t stand up for me (well not stand up but at least stay away from the drama whenever possible) or violated because he wants me to like her (what I gathered from the wedding talk ALL NIGHT LONG) or what… I really don’t know why this bothers me.. but it does.. Every time she is mentioned I recoil.. If anyone was to be considered my nemesis I consider it her…which leads to me thinks that I’m really just being petty and I’m just blowing this out of proportion.. After all.. being friends on facebook means virtually nothing other than you kind of know someone.. if he was messaging her repeatedly or something.. then yeah that’s a clear violation…

I suppose I’m really angry because in my mind I feel mad that not only did he cause this issue for me to publicly bashed on facebook, but he apparently got away with it scot free (per usual but then again that’s another rant in and of itself). There was no blame to this situation ever put on his shoulders.. It was me… and why would you want to talk and “be friends” with someone who bashed the person you suppposidly love? It just really angers me that this is something has to be asked…

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3 thoughts on “Facebook Friends

  1. I…have a different background with my hubby (and my ex-husband), so take this for what it is: my two-cents of perspective colored by a handful of sketchy experiences and two of my own drama mongers setting out to make me feel about two inches tall last year. I don’t know your husband or your drama queen. But… I would be pissed and uncomfortable too. It seems like there’s been a lot of interaction between the two of them that you weren’t told about. It also seems like she’s implying that he lavishes her with compliments…which could totally just be her stirring the pot. (One of last year’s drama llamas loved to do that to me and the information was rarely, if ever, accurate.) But…when it mixes with all the other factors…it would make my skin crawl, too.

    I wish I had something productive to offer up as a solution or help, though I’m not sure what I would do in that situation. I always stood back and just tried to ignore the drama queens, but both blew up in my face eventually. (Though, gratefully, their explosions also were their exits from my life and things are much quieter now.) Any chance drama queen & her husband will be re-stationed any time soon?

    1. It doesn’t really matter as Tony has reached higher tenure (ie he’s getting kicked out because he hasn’t advanced enough given the time he’s been in) so we probably won’t be interacting with them unless it comes to social means regarding the mutual friends… (but I’ll get into that soon because that the THE BIG blog blocker post)

      I did talk to hubby about how it irritated me.. and he insists the “all the time” she referred to was only three seperate occasions. He said he never went out of his way to talk to her.. and the wedding night when he talked about her incessantly he said he wasn’t really talking about HER (which I disagree actually but whatev) but moreso he was trying to understand why I was being nice and she was attempting to latch onto me.. plus he was drunk so he threw that in with his excuse… If he assumed we were at least “aquaintences” he couldn’t understand why having her as a friend on facebook was a big deal.. I’ve let it go since the day I posted this, but now he KNOWS that I am very much unhappy with it and he’s still friends with her.. I don’t expect him to unfriend her, that feels really controlling and so unlike me… but if I knew there was someone I supposidly never talk/interact with on facebook that he didn’t feel comfortable with I would drop them as soon as I knew of his feelings…. I’m pretty certain this whole situation is very insecure of me.. and that is completely out of character for me.. I dunno how to really respond to this situation at all..

      1. “but if I knew there was someone I supposedly never talk/interact with on facebook that he didn’t feel comfortable with I would drop them as soon as I knew of his feelings…” See, that’s the sort of thing that has upset me in the past, too; if Sean felt slighted by someone, then, unless it were someone really important to me, good bye! My former-best-friend from before I met Sean doesn’t like him and made that clear. We’re barely acquaintances anymore and I opted to stay home with him rather than go to her *wedding* a week ago. (There were other reasons, too, but if we’d still been BF’s, I would have MADE it happen, you know?) *sigh*

        I’m not how to feel about the higher-tenure. That’s the proper name for why Sean wasn’t accepted to the Coast Guard earlier this year; they feared that, due to timing, he would reach higher-tenure before 2 years was up and then he’d just have to turn around and be ousted because of it. I’m not sure if the friend that Sean got the job for up here left by choice or by being forced out. My Air Force friend was forced out. At the very least, it seems like it’s a MAJOR change! *hugs*

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