Please Remind Me That School Starts Tomorrow

I have this whisper in the back of my head that I am going to miss my first day of school tomorrow.. Just wake up, get the kids off to school and veg out in front of the computer with a cup of coffee like I normally do. And despite the fact that I have my planner open beside me, and BACK TO SCHOOL is written in bold, underlined AND highlighted.. I’m gunna just keep sipping away going from one blog to the next… completely oblivious that I should be sitting in some classroom committing myself to more papers, tests and projects… 

I can’t mentally wrap my head around the fact that I will back to school tomorrow..

Mostly I wonder if I even want to go back..

Here’s the thing.. I got the whole “I didn’t get to be kid or college student” out of my system last semester… I was an INDIVIDUAL.. not someone’s so and so.. someone’s wife, someone’s daughter, someone’s mother.. I was just ME.. And going to school boosted my ego, reminded me that I am pretty darn smart, talented and all those things that you don’t see when you spend most of your time cleaning up after a group of people… It was nice to get all these good grades, and to excel and dare I even say DREAM BIG! I could be anything I want!

Then winter break happened. And it reminded me that… uh no Faithie.. you can’t be ANYTHING you want…You are a wife mother and daughter…the sky is not the limit.. your career will mostly be based off the schools closest to you.. and to what you can afford..or what you have time to squeeze into between housekeeper and chauffeur and whatnot.. For all you know this will be your ONLY year at college and you’ll have to go back to the hotel full time or whatever place will have you…

I guess reality is colliding with the novelty of going to school…

I’m feeling a lot like I’m not contributing to our family financially when I should be.. I get the long term goal justifying the short term condition of having little funds… I just wish my long term wasn’t soooooo long term. I think I need to  find a happy of medium of working and going to school…

It kills me to know that my mother ended up being right about this.. DAMN

But I can’t go back to work at the hotel.. at least not until summertime.. So I suppose for this semester at least I’ll be job free.. I can wait that long right?

 

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