He used to have the most beautiful eyes…..



Image from HERE

Almost fresh out of high school is when I started working at the hotel. If you’ve been following me and can remember, that was almost 12 years ago. 

I worked with this young guy, my uncle’s protege. My uncle had never married or had kids, so this boy might as well have been his. We eventually started dating a few weeks after I graduated. By Christmas we had “broken up”. That is the only official time we were “together”. But as time went on it became hard to define that line. Were we together? 

We weren’t. I was the mistress. The one that in rare moments of clarity is remembered and used to forget things temporarily. 

The “wife” was crack. An addiction. Something that love couldn’t overcome. In the year that followed our “break-up”, he had burned almost all of his bridges. He was no longer working at the hotel. He had been fired for stealing money from the safe. We would talk often but I tried to keep my distance. Everyone would say were still together, it just was… complicated? As soon as a new guy entered my life. He would come around claiming to be clean and for the time would be. Long enough for me be to stupid enough to believe maybe he had changed. I broke up with handful of decent guys because I loved this one drug riddled boy. My first love…. 

I had touched on it briefly during a Five Minute Friday, the moment I knew it was truly over for us HERE

He went away to Colorado for some drug and alcohol program. He said losing me was the thing that made him truly want to sober up. That winter was trying. Trying but liberating. I found a bit of myself. Went to California in April with some friends and had a great time. When I came back his mother called me in tears. He was back in town but hadn’t told me. Apparently he had owed the wrong people money and they stabbed him in the throat. I called my uncle in tears because I was at work and just couldn’t handle it……at first.. Once the shock had worn off I became numb. I had two whole seasons to live without his drama. 

I did visit him when he asked me to. Went and held his hand as they took the staples out. Hung out with him for the day. I remember he was laying on the couch just about to fall asleep, and I wanted to kiss him on the cheek and tell him everything would be ok.. But looking in his eyes, and by god did he have the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen, I realized that my part of him…was gone. My time with him and his chaos was over. 

I needed that closure. Without it I don’t think I would have ended that two year long cycle we had. 

I found a link this morning to his latest antics. I guess he was released and became a panhandler in Boston. He ended up mugging some lady and is back in jail.

They released his photo. He looks so haggard. His eyes lost their brilliant blue. They’re now grey and dull…. 

They used to be so beautiful… 




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