I was so young when I had our first son. I had been swindled out of my college savings. Well…….. not so dramatically.. My gambling addicted father neglected to pay the rent and we needed around $5000 just to stay in our home and pay off other debts that reflected on my mother’s account.. My savings was depleted and then some.. I officially took over the finances and used my pay to make sure that this kind of thing never happened again. I was working 6-7 days a week before I met my husband.. .We agreed that when I got pregnant I should focus on our son and the house. Staying at home, playing the happy role of a mother I never really got growing up was my dream. It’s seriously the only thing I KNEW I wanted to do when I grew up. I’m grateful that my husband was in agreement with me and was in a position to provide that lifestyle… After my daughter was born we purchased a house and it was in our best interest for me to work two days a week just to have a little more extra income.
There was one agreement that we had made back before my son was born that had been almost forgotten. Something that was probably agreed upon on wishful thinking.. but agreed upon just the same.. I said when our kids were in school full time that I wanted to go back to school myself. Even just a little community college to give me a taste of the college life I had came close to achieving…
When I found out that Kindergarten for my youngest was full day, I was blindsided with the reality that I could start school again. It was just a thought, something I kind of wanted but didn’t even know where to start…
Then I read Three Feet from Gold . It inspired me like no other book ever has. I knew that fear was no excuse to give up on this agreement I had made to better myself, even if I had only halfheartedly wanted it back then. My children are older, it’s time to start taking more time to think about myself.
I dared to enroll online.. I dared to follow through with gathering what I needed and providing information..
Going to my orientation scared out of my wits. I completely went out of my comfort zone. Even my comfort driving zone. At the orientation I wondered if this is even something I want, or something I think I want? It doesn’t hurt to try right?
Got financial aid, signed up for classes. <~ It’s way too far to be going back now right? Or I’m 29 now, is it way too far to be entertaining this grand notion that I have the time and energy for such an overwhelming commitment when I’m already swamped to begin with.
I’ve been having issues with my financial aid being applied to my account. I signed up for classes back in April. Had financial aid a week before I signed up for the classes. Financial aid tells me not to worry, my classes will be paid for.. So what do I do? I don’t worry.. until I get an email mid June from the school saying I need to pay for the classes or they’ll drop them..
Now it’s time to panic.. It wasn’t easy to find classes that worked with my already insane schedule.. that allowed me to be at the bus with the kids and be home to pick them up…. to still take Thai twice in the morning…This schedule is pretty make or break at this point…
I emailed the advisor who told me that after some digging she did see that my classes would be paid for with my financial aid and not to worry.. But.. I was told that before! Shame on me for believing it the first time.. I emailed financial aid and explained the situation to them and they claimed that because I hadn’t declared a major that’s why the financial aid wasn’t showing up on my student page. What kind of bull crap is that?! Whatever… oh except it does say I did claim a major ….
Today I just got something in the mail saying if I don’t pay by July 30th they’re going to drop my classes.. WTF!!!
At first I was so frustrated, but now?.. I’m wondering if this is a sign that this is all a waste of my time.. How many hiccups does one have to endure before you think fate is telling you that you are on the wrong path?!
Or are these obstacles in my way only going to make me stronger and test my indomitable spirit?
I think I need to read Three Feet from Gold again to boost myself up……