Dear Support Group.. it’s you not me..

My husband has been attached to his current sub for a little over a year. In that time, the majority of the drama I have dealt with from day to day, has arisen from the support group.

When I first married my husband I was welcomed to that sub’s support group with open arms. It was like joining a wonderful sisterhood of women whose mission was to lift you up and keep you strong when you wanted to crumble..

So after a four year hiatus of shore leave I was excited to rejoin a support group that knew exactly what I was going through without having to explain it. Ah the bonds I’d form.. the fun we’d share….

I’m not going into the hard aches I endured this deployment by people who just are miserable and need to make others so. I stuck around so long because there was a lot of people who simply asked me to. I made an effort to introduce myself to everyone, especially the quiet people in the corners who just couldn’t quite find a way to integrate “into the group”. I had numerous people tell me that they had been there for so and so months, or even a year or more and I was the FIRST person to ever go up and introduce themselves..

O.O How sad is that….It makes me wonder what my own life as a Navy Wife would have been like if I hadn’t had such a loving and wonderful support group to back me up.

I made it my mission to fix the support group..

I lost 😦 And lost hard.

When the sub came back the support group’s board was wiped clean… New faces and supposed to be heading in a new direction..

Our new President is just about the sweetest person you’d ever met. And she gives me a vibe of my very first President that raised my spirits. I alerted some wives that had given up the support group that hope was alive and we should all rally behind this new woman and give her our support..

Her very first meeting.. she made me proud. And the people I had told to come did and had the same feeling of hope and joy that perhaps the dark days were over and we could rebuild this support group in what it is supposed to be…

Then…

Well then we voted in the rest of the board who ran unopposed..Every single one of them are wives fresh to the boat. I honestly thought that was a good choice because they don’t bear the scars of the deployment. They weren’t “broken” and I knew their hope would rekindle the group..

The VP asked to be my friend on facebook.. Cool

I have this new facebook rule since deployment.. I am a positive force in the world, and I choose to only keep positive people in my life.. family and whatnot excluded.. you can’t just unfriend them without causing unnecessary drama. So if you’re new to my facebook entourage I gave you a month to acclimate. If you are an attention seeking drama fiend then I boot you after that month.. No guilt about it either. Especially when it comes to women associated with the hubby’s sub…

VP was just a week away from getting booted…

I have this really huge 18 inch tablet/computer (It’s awesome). This weekend I had the habit of leaving it on the coffee table and letting facebook stream.. I read one comment of hers and I admit.. I hissed a little.. VP had called out her husband claiming he was being lazy and forcing her to finish a job they apparently were supposed to be doing together.. Someone had already commented on it saying she shouldn’t bash her husband. She replied saying she had a few drinks and was angry.. but like she has said on numerous posts she just tells it like it is… and her husband knows this blah de blah.. My hiss made the hubby look over.. and he asked what her problem is.. I was like I dunno she’s just a dramatic person.. Then I did proceeded to show him the rest of her facebook where it’s all day every day anger..

My husband said he was surprised because the husband was so chill. He said he was going to ask why she was bashing him on facebook the next day.. I told him not to do that.. To just let it go…

But did he listen?

Obviously not, because the next evening, on the day our husband’s shared duty together, I see an angry post directed to me. She didn’t name me, and if my husband hadn’t of told me he was going to say something to her husband, I never would have thought it was for me. So I read as this woman who claimed that she’s a tell it like it is and not afraid to tell people to their face, continued to bash not only myself but my marriage..

And all I could do is laugh…

Angry people like that.. only have anger as a weapon. She hides behind facebook and thinks she’s big and bad. She had also deleted her drunken rant and had acted like she had never even posted it..

My first reaction was to try to diffuse the situation.. message her about the situation.. But I didn’t even know if was my husband had said anything.. so I let it go..

After all.. I didn’t even really do anything.. I think? Is showing my husband on a public networking site something to feel bad about?

The next morning she had unfriended me.. well that’s a pretty good confirmation.. Went about my day just fine..  I learned a long time ago to not hold onto the drama of other people.

Can you imagine how much energy we expend on negative people in our lives? And how little that they expend creating the drama? I realized this after reading “Think and Grow Rich” by Greig Reid and Sharon Lechter. That book deserves it’s own post shout out..

I did conclude, that if she is going to be in a leadership role in this support group, it’s not going to be long before more drama comes my way.

It’s time to call this group a loss, and like so many before me, let it go. For good. I am starting college at the end of August, and will soon be cycling for my black belt. On top of being a mother and wife and very maybe still working at the hotel, I have to be very careful to direct my energy to where it matters.. And where it will be most received.

So, sorry support group.. but it’s truly over and for good this time.

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3 thoughts on “Dear Support Group.. it’s you not me..

  1. Thank you. I needed this today. The Fall session is going to a brutal one for me; I’ve signed on to do 5 classes (15 credit hours) for school. I need to STAY on the workout wagon and I’ve decided that I want to join up for Muy Thai. (Any tips for picking a dojo?) My weeks will literally be scheduled right down to grocery shopping. I have several people and a group on my FB that are just…negative. It’s tiring. I can’t deal with it and everything else that I’m taking on. There are also a bunch of people that…well, we just don’t talk to each other anymore. Their status updates just clog up my homepage feed. I need to do some virtual cleaning.

    1. I did a virtual cleaning and it was like a breath of fresh air.. and only one person even noticed.. so it’s well worth it! As for picking a dojo. I only have one real advice.. is try a few out and see if their instructing style is something you can click with. And check the students.. most of what I learn is from the students. The instructor of course is the key person for knowledge.. but the little things you learn while actually doing it with a partner. <~ that makes two pieces of advice 😉

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