In my sophomore year of high school I developed a silly and completely irrational fear due to two semi random events clicking in my head to form one big creepfest of the mind.
I had a semi-close friend get pregnant at the age of 16. At first I was a bit excited. Each month took development pictures.
Then she got bigger…
I was part of an agri-cultural program in school. In order to study genetics we bred guinea pigs. I owned two guinea pigs that I adored. The female got pregnant.. So pregnant with 6 babies that when she was near to deliver she was so fat her feet couldn’t touch the ground. And you could SEE the babies moving.
My 16 year old mind put two and two together..
It also unlocked a very deep hidden fear of Aliens.. I watched those movies at way too young of an age.. Moving bellies… means aliens are about to pop out of your chest and I’d rather not have a little spiderish thing on my face…
Suddenly pregnancy, and as a result newborn babies, made me very squeamish. When I was near my friend I wanted to scream “You have something LIVING inside you! That is so unnatural!” I know.. KNOW… that pregnancy is a very natural thing. That we have within us microorganisms that love them some human hosts.. So there’s things living within us even when we’re not pregnant..
And then, having two children myself, how could I endure that? I really can’t remember.. I blocked most of those days out. I even asked my obgyn if they could give me a sedative when my firstborn started to move because it freaked me out… He thought I was kidding.
I believe I’ve gotten better about being around pregnant people…but newborns… they now carry the burden of my distaste. I’m SORRY. I’ve done my best to endure holding my closest friends’ children. But every picture that has been taken in these moments show my utter distaste for the whole ordeal. Even my niece, who I didn’t see until she was 8 weeks old gave me the heebejeebies.
And I’m CURSED with an ability to calm any crying baby or child. Yeah, worked great for me and my kids.. but at social events. A baby starts to cry and it’s instantly handed over to me.. Then I’m stuck there holding someone else’s sleeping baby and that look of utter disgust returns.
My husband is aware of this irrational fear. Even though he doesn’t face his own fears, he apparently feels that I should face my own. My coworker’s wife just gave birth to their 3rd child last night. I’ve scammed my way out of seeing the first two until they were well grown. My husband has committed me to visiting today after work. I am not a happy camper… I already told my coworker about my irrational fears, and he was ok with me not coming to visit. So why force me now!
So I’m pouting like a big baby about having to go tonight…
Anyone else have an irrational fear?