I Let My Daughter Wear Makeup…

I often find that parenting is like politics… Everyone has an opinion and it almost never matches with your own. Seriously, if you can find friends that match your parenting style completely.. KEEP THEM AROUND <~ Because that is rare.

A few people have shared with me their distaste for my latest parenting fiasco. My mother included.

I let my daughter wear makeup.

I’m not talking a little lip gloss here or there. I’m taking make yourself be noticed in a sea full people makeup…

I can’t help but giggle when I see her proudly display her work. It looks like she took makeup classes from Mimi

(image from community.sephora.com)

I never put makeup on with the exception of some eyeliner so people don’t constantly ask if I am sick. I have that eyeliner, a thing of mascara and some powder (which if I’m being honest I don’t even know what it’s called) and that’s seriously it… I have no idea where this sudden fascination with makeup has come from….

My daughter has quite the collection that she has paid for using her allowance:

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Girls are usually first introduced to makeup in their teens when insecurites about their bodies amd self images have fully cemented. Let’s face it.. Society makes it really hard on teenage girls to be anything but self loathing about themselves.

Society teaches them that makeup makes them beautiful and these insecure girls hide behind this mask for the rest of their lives. As such we see makeup as a tool for beauty and ONLY that. When we think of little girls wearing makeup we instantly assume that we are teaching little girls to be as self loathing and that they are hiding behind masks. We want them to feel that they are beautiful just as they are, yet by the time these girls reach teenagehood the cycle repeats. And I’ll admit that I do see this cycle happening earlier on with girls..

But I can’t help but ask… is makeup really a tool for making us beautiful? We’re told all the time it’s not, despite how society contradicts that notion…  Again: is makeup really a tool for oversexualizing the wearer? Society again tells us so by adopting the notion it’s a “mature” item.

It’s not folks.. It’s not makeup that does this.. it’s society’s interpretation of why we wear makeup that does this.

I have never seen makeup as society does.. Maybe because my own insecurities about myself knew that all the makeup in the world wouldn’t ever make me “beautiful”.. so I didn’t even bother to try…

As such, I am letting my very self confident child learn that makeup is like any other accessory she would wear. It should be used as an expression, kind of like art. She chooses the really loud and in your face colors because that’s how she feels inside. Why would I ever want to take away a part of her ability to express herself?

Just because the majority of people have only learned to interpret one way in which we use makeup? Because they want to project their own insecurities onto my daughter?

My daughter and I have discussed appropiate times to express herself through makeup. She wears nothing to school, with the exception of some lip gloss here and there. She knows that school is a time to learn and that the bright colors can be distracting to other students. Like any other accessory, there are times when it may not be appropiate to wear it.

My daughter has heard more than one adult gasp and tell her that she shouldn’t be wearing makeup (my mother included). She holds her head up high and ignores them. She is learning the world is going to have an opinion in how she does things but she has to do what is right for her. And so long as it doesn’t harm her or anyone else, I will support her and be her diligent advocate to all those that dare question her.

So I will oooh and ahh over her makeup sessions. Ask her why she chose the blue today over the purple and let her know that I think she looks fantastic. And every time I will end that conversation with “It’s not the makeup that makes your beautiful Miss.” And she will smile and say “Oh I know mommy, I just wanted to be colorful today.”

Non Traditional Students and Worlds Colliding.

I found the word that described my college experience while away at the conference last weekend (which was awesome) I am a non traditional college student! What what means? I dunno exactly, but it’s certainly how I felt this weekend. For one, I am old. Not OLD OLD, but not crazy in my youth either. I’m a mother, who doesn’t get the freedom to just think about me for long periods of time. A lot of the actions I make or opportunities that I can obtain are largely centered around my two minions. I’m content with that notion. After all, it reminds me that my world does not revolve around myself.

Nor should it.

Could you imagine if the world revolved around me? It would be complete chaos! Random flash dance mobs in supermarkets and the right to stamp “unbreedable” on the majority of the population.

 

Anyway, as a result I found myself unable to relate to a lot of the other young women at the conference because let’s face it… They are all doe eyed and dreamy and I’m like “damn you people for not having a readily supply of coffee for me” It was awkward just being from a community college too. Most were from graduate schools and talked straight out of a professor’s coursebook. And the only thing I’m doing is signing “Happy” by Pharell Williams as I walk around the campus. I guess I’m just not a professional type of person. If you have a song in your head sing it!

For the record, I do consider myself a very smart person. I’ve posted my grades. I am pretty awesome!  These young women seriously made me feel like I should have been reading the dictionary on the 7 hour drive down. Partner that with the fact that everyone had a 5 year plan. For instance: Girls: “Oh what are you majoring in?” Me: “Um awesomeness?” Sorry ladies. But I’m a by the semester type gal right now. I have no idea what I’m having for dinner most nights let alone have my entire life planned out for me. I don’t have that Type A needs everything to be wrapped up and organized. I thrive on things being MESSY.

Another factor was that I was married. Have been since most of these ladies were in elementary school. There were a handful of older women at this convention but all the ones I spoke to were divorced. Apparently that made me unable to relate to these women at times either.. Seriously, the second it got mentioned I was married and they were divorced it was like a wall was erected between us. WTF?! I can be firm in my independance and lack of needing a man too. <~ I’ve been doing that as a submariner’s wife from day one! I come with certificates from various captains thanking me for my awesomeness as being such a strong and independant woman…

And I couldn’t even fit in with the other mom’s. There was one workshop called “A Balancing Act:  Supporting Student Parents” I was excited. This workship SCREAMED me. Unfortunately it did not scream to most of the women. (although that’s not surprising). They had four women student speakers talking about the work they did to promote child care ability to those in community colleges. Three of the four women were older and parents ANd at community colleges. <~ Yay! Those at the workshop were mostly younger. They all had children in high school which were now toddlers and whatnot back at home. I wanted to be like “You go girl! You are awesome”…. except I pretty much was ignored. There were two older women who downright looked miserable. Wanted nothing to do with anyone. I will say that person in charge of the workshop was REALLY awesome..

So in all the hats that make uniquely me.. none really fit at all this weekend…..

~

This post was in relations to the Daily Post’s Prompt on World’s Colliding which can be found here

OPSEC

I have briefly hinted in a few of my posts that I am a military wife.

A submariner’s wife to be exact.

My husband and I have endured three deployments together. What few people fail to realize is that unless a fast attack submarine is broken or due for repairs, they are constantly in and out. Even without a deployment looming fast attack submarines average 200+ days out to sea.

This amounts to a constant whirlwind effect of underways. Home for a few weeks, out for a few weeks. Home for a few days out for a week. It’s a never ending schedule clashing headache.

And you can’t just have a schedule and stick to it. Never!  There are delays, last minute schedule conflicts, and things breaking. I have this inability to write his schedule on the calender in pencil. If you look at my summer calender it’s got a lot of scratches and very angrily scrawled revisions.

It’s undoubtedly frustrating for everyone involved.

A cardinal rule being a military wife, is that if you’re given a schedule.. you have very limited freedom in sharing that schedule with the world. You don’t call up all your friends. You don’t message the dates in emails/private chats. You can’t be waiting in line in Starbucks gabbing to your friend about how hubby is leaving Friday while sporting a USS <insert sub name here> t-shirt.

This is to keep our sailors safe. We don’t want another USS COLE incident.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USS_Cole_bombing

If the schedule is divulged.. usually it gets changed.. Oh that nice port call in France that 10 wives purchased non refundable tickets to during deployment so they could visit with their husband… Yeah that got cancelled and they end up porting somewhere else since one of those wives posted countdown days on facebook until they see their husband. (this is an example, it did not actually happen)

I think my husband’s captain has  beaten OPSEC as much as a dead horse by now. Every time we see him in the support group he informs us all of what is acceptable, and what isn’t..  and yet still people are so quick to divulge information.

This previous deployment was our first with facebook being a relevant source of information sharing. If the schedule changed, I learned it via facebook well before I got a phone call. Seriously, how did these women even find out so soon to whine about it on facebook?? I’m a bit bitter about that. I had to wait hours to get the details on their “vague” status posts.

At our last meeting the Captain had a very “I told you so!” spiel regarding facebook and OPSEC. I can’t remember if he said it was our sub per se, but he used locations and times where the schedule did change for our boat as examples..  NCIS using nothing but general searches at first, was able to figure out the crew roster of a submarine. Then used that roster to track the family members. They were able to map out the entire schedule of the submarine including scheduling changes..

You have to figure.. It can’t be that hard to hack into such a huge social media outlet.

My husband and I are very lock and key type people. Other than myself, no one needs to know the schedule. I tell family and friends to always expect him not to be here, and be pleasantly surprised if he is. I understand that frustrates people, but I could care less. I’m not going to the be the wife that has to live with the fact that terrorists could have gotten my husband’s schedule from me.

And really what’s the point in sharing a schedule that seems to have a 75% chance of changing anyway???

There are a few people in my husband’s family that just.. don’t get it. I try to be patient. I really do. I don’t see why we all can’t just live by my above line of don’t expect him to be anywhere. Would you prefer to plan for him to be at everything and get upset when he’s not?

My husband’s birth mother is wanting to come up and visit. There was no “Hey all, I would love to come visit. Would it be ok if I stay with you all?”

It was more like “I am coming up for my son’s birthday. Since I’m on oxygen I need your address so I can have it shipped there before I arrive.”

…..

Actually it happened more like this:

My husband’s birth mother’s birthday (wow tongue twister?) was last week. My husband failed to call her on her birthday. He did remember the next day. <~ That really sums up their relationship.

He came to visit me at work. Where all I got was “I called my real mom today” before the topic was brought to other things. Then he gets  a phone call from his birth mom. I could hear every single thing she said.. which mirrors the needing the address portion.

Inwardly I’m freaking out. She wants to what now?! I asked him when he was going to tell me. He said he had started to… haha yeah ok..

Then the next thing I said was.. “For your birthday.. huh.. Are you even going to be here for your birthday?”

Very good question.. is he going to be here? I’d say 99% chance that no he will not.. so I let that sink in… waiting for it click .. the schedule had changed but to what no one even knows..

So he called her back immediately before she ordered her oxygen. He was farther away from my desk this time but I could get the gist. No, he didn’t know when we would be home an extended chunk of time this summer. No, he can’t tell when he’d be out to sea or for how long. Looks of help to me, since it’s usually me that handles these discussions with his family.

Later on I get numerous phone calls from his dad’s girlfriend. Apparently his birth mother had called her upset because my husband had made it very clear that he didn’t want to see her this summer. Even though I remember my husband telling her that the fall was a better time period. I informed her that since I had been there to witness the phone call that is not how it went at all…In fact there is a 5 day window that I gave the girlfriend to give the mom that she can visit. I’m pretty confident that this free block of time will not change. I could have given her a longer window period but I actually have plans too and I’m not about to cancel them last minute. Selfish? Maybe

The birth mother is lucky she didn’t come to me.. Because I don’t apologize for the life we lead or the restrictions it puts on me to divulge information. My husband has just come off a 4 year shore leave. There were FOUR YEARS where the sub life wouldn’t have effected her coming to visit. And not up until this very week did she ever show interest in coming to visit.

I’m mildly frustrated that 12 years into his naval career we’re still having to explain OPSEC to family..