The Break Up…

Dear Summer,

You are the highlight of my life. When I think of happiness, I think of all days I got to lounge at the beach, soaking up the sun while drinking iced coffees. 


I think of warm nights together laying in bed reading books with the hum of the fan as ambient background noise. 

You are everything I could ever want in a season. We have been through some hard times and your sunshine and warmth got me through when nothing else could. 

But I must confess that I have been unfaithful. You see, Fall has been eyeing me for some time. And you know I cannot stand Fall. It’s when leaves rain upon my property and drown the ground until it suffocates it, and in chilly weather I have to try to save the yard like some rake weilding super hero.. 

But then I got to know Fall last year. The football frenzy, the apple picking and pumpkin spices everywhere. I admit that although you have my heart, I have grown fond of Fall despite the pain she brings me. 

I learned that Dunkin Donuts had their pumpkin spice coffees out.. and although this is still most certainly your time, I indulged. That’s right summer, I CHEATED on you with fall. There’s no excuse for what I did. Things were just so crazy with everyone starting school again. I lost my head… 

Once I tasted Fall again.. I couldn’t hold back. So I went back and got another coffee the next day… and the next….Hell, I’m even wearing a sweater right now as I type this.. 

I don’t want to hurt you anymore summer. I loved the time we shared and will always treasure it. I just think it’s for the best if we both just moved on…







Faithie the Jiu Jitsu Newb….


Ah! What a horrible pic.. but there it is :P

I did in fact try out a BJJ class! 

I think having a really good partner your first class is crucial. The martial arts really requires you to have to interact with another person. If partners aren’t willing to invest some time into teaching the basics to a newb then the whole experience can be ruined..

I’m glad that my experience was enhanced by my partner. My partner was someone that has impressed me immensely in Thai and Krav so I knew I was in good hands. She was patient took the time to explain things to me. She also wasn’t gentle.. a lot of girls in thai are … well girly which is why I like partnering with guys… I have to admit I was pretty girly to her though.  

The Shihan took a video.. You can totally tell I’m new to this type of style.. 

So why not then be called out by the Shihan to randori?

Randori, for those not in a know.. is exactly how I described BJJ in my previous post.. In the last few minutes the guys are so sweaty and gross.. so let’s wrestle! I guess I was lucky I got the Shihan because some of the men were so nasty they were leaving sweat angels on the mats.. EWWW

Like I said, the Shihan is a great instructor and it was quite the experience having him as my very first randori partner. He gave me two goals – to get to either a mount position (where I’m on top) or if I’m on the bottom to be able to wrap my legs around his torso.. Sounds easy right? 

I had absorbed some things watching the kids in their class ;) But it felt mostly like I was a wriggling fool. Ducking elbows and legs.. Not really sure how I ended up where I was lol. I could tell he was letting me lead and was just reacting to what I did.. I kept trying to mount but his damn leg was always one step ahead! That was actually super frustrating damnit!  

My friend J calls BJJ “The thinking man’s martial art” but I think it’s more related to Chess. 

My Kyoshi is eager to make me a BJJ card. My only concern is that it’s so late at night. It’s the last class of the night, and I’m usually getting the kids to bed when it ends. which is honestly probably why it’s more of a man’s sport at our dojo.. not to stereotype or anything.. but of course the hubsands are more free to be at the dojo later when there are kids involved.. it’s usually the momma putting the kids to sleep

We’ll see… I did love it and want to keep at it.. but it’s not on the top of my priority list right now. 

Hey Karate Kid.. You ready to try Brazilian Jiu Jitsu?



My son and daughter both started karate when they were young. Nothing fancy, just your basic run of the mill karate that usually integrated a few other forms here or there. 

My son lived for the days when our old Sensei would teach them a little bit of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. My son would watch as mostly men would have a BJJ class on Saturday mornings. He thought they were so cool and manly. When they tried out some of the basic techniques in his class he too felt cool and manly… 

To me it looked a like a bunch of sweaty guys wrestling and grunting a lot.. but everyone sees different things lol. 

When I found out that our sister dojo was going to be having a kids Brazilian Jiu Jitsu course I knew my son would freak! And so.. because I love my son… we spent the last few Wednesdays of before school ended for the summer rushing like mad people a few towns over to be there on time.. 

My daughter was eager to not be left out. She was two months shy of the age cut off but I convinced the Shihan who instructed that she was leauges beyond her age level. 


This class was offered to all three school’s youth age level children, but of the 12 students there 8 were from our dojo. That helped to ease my daughter’s mind because she got a bit nervous and out of her element at first. The Shihan was so patient and kind with her. He just sat next to her and let her get used to his presence until she was comfortable to step on the mats. Now she loves him to pieces. 

His style works so well with my son. He is more about showing with no words.. Just silence. And that forces you to REALLY pay attentions to the moves and not the words (if that makes sense). 

IMG_20140528_163654_952 My kids have been loving every minute of it!


The class has been doing so well they added Mondays as well. It’s been a pain with work/and other stresses to get them there but my dojo family has been helping me out. 

Two weeks ago they earned their first stripes:



I’m so proud of them for trying a new martial art and showing such great dedication and perseverance at such a young age. 

Not to brag or anything.. but my kids are super cool 

And maybe so cool that I myself might try it out????????

Back To School Challenge

Please excuse the language on the meme.. I couldn’t help myself!

Summer is halfway over and the stores are already having back to school sales.. 

And I love it.. 

I’m a bit of a geek.. I love getting new pencils and notepads.. I seriously loved back to school shopping as a kid. LOVED. Even after I graduated high school I had to stock up on things even if I didn’t NEED them… just to keep the back to school spirit alive.  I realize that it’s nothing more than another way to exploit consumers.. but I am a willing consumer who will spent $$$ even though I have plenty of decent pencils… NO SHAME HERE… 

When my kids started school I was excited because that meant I could pass on my fervor for back to school shopping….It would forever become a family tradition to get them geared up and excited for school!!!!

Then I found out that their school provides all their supplies excluding a backpack and lunch bag… 

<insert sad face yet happy wallet>

We went to the store the other day and we passed the back to school shopping sales. I seriously squealed like a kid at Christmas… 

But since we don’t NEED anything for school…I was conflicted……….

I decided to make a fun challenge out the experience along with getting to snag a few things. After all.. I am going back to school too.. I actually did need a few things! 

I told the kids they each had $15 they could spend for upcoming school supplies. I wouldn’t judge what they were, but that it should be practical because I wouldn’t be buying them any more supplies for school. 

Here’s how we made out:




We did learn a few things in bartering too.. For instance.. I got erasable pens.. I traded two of them for half of my son’s note cards. My daughter gave my son one of her tiny spiral notebooks just for being nice to her…

So all in all we had fun and I got a back to school shopping fix.. Win/win! 

 If you have $15 (or equivalent currency) to spare and you want to join our back to school challenge..send a pic of your purchases to and I’ll feature you in a back to school post! 

The D-Word

My husband is out to sea (shocker right?… it is after all what his job is)… 

We had some issues with family peeps violating OPSEC (my hands are clean… that’s all I’m saying) Someone mentioned the length of how long hubby was going to be gone on facebook and that it was a deployment… 

AGH! Thanks to my working nights and being glued to facebook I caught it and had the person take it down in less than 10 minutes (yes I know… nothing on facebook is ever really gone) 

But you know what REALLY bugged me about it?

The fact the person labeled it as a deployment…..

I am fully aware it is a weird thing to get all bent of out shape about.. but I spent less time explaining how the length of time was not to be disclosed and more time of how it’s not a deployment….

Then my husband’s sister called it a deployment too a few days later… 

Inwardly I wanted to cry. PLEASE DO NOT CALL IT A DEPLOYMENT! 

It caused me to wonder just why is calling it deployment instead of an underway? As the wife, other than a time difference, my role largely stays the same. The only thing I could think of is that deployments sound scary. <~ Which means I am little more than a coward! 

I usually have a deployment flash back period every May. My husband’s first deployments always began in May and I cry about the ordeal my family was put through. (which really…wasn’t that much of an ordeal… but if you haven’t noticed by now that I can be very dramatic sometimes: you’ve been made aware now) I think of missed moments and having to overcome issues on my own and it takes me a few days to rememeber that I’m a bad ass woman who can get through ANYTHING. 

The very idea of my husband being on a deployment causes me to panic. I had a minor panic attack while driving to work thinking of the sub today. Thinking about how subs go down.. but what if something happens and they just sink and don’t come back up?! What if they are never found and they all just die on the bottom of the ocean on either lack of air or starvation. I started thinking of every single poor smuck on that damn sub and how all of them have families like my own.. Then I think of my husband’s good friend on a different sub and if something happened to ANY of the subs in our area it would effect us. 

Ok Faithie take a chill pill…….

I have become one of the model submariner wives.. The cool woman who is as salty as her husband and just rolls with the punches with grace. I am strong and independant have no outwardly signs of weakness. I don’t lament about missing my husband and I don’t put it out there that I can’t sleep without him at home. Being this role model for especially the younger set of women, I’m highly aware that I play a small part in them getting through the day. (haha ok Faithie.. you’re not that important) So I have to stay strong…

But even the strongest of them have moments when they feel they’re going to falter…………

So yeah… please no more forcing my husband to deploy faster than he needs to.. Let’s all pretend that underways are happy vacations for the men and that they are safe and sound and out of harms way… Thanks in advance for never uttering the D-Word again. 







Till Death….

You sure lost in the parent lottery, but glad you are making the best of it. Just keep on pushing forward. I know you will. ~ My Aunt Debbie in a conversation to me today. 

I don’t discuss my childhood often. Mostly beause I have this mentality that it wasn’t really that bad. There’s loads of people who probably had it way worse and I hold onto that like a lifeline when people start talking about when they were a kid. Sometimes, when I’m stupid and decide to go down memory lane………..

I wonder how I turned out being ok…..Seriously.. how did I turn into a fuctional human being?  

My parents hate each other. Like throwing knives and stealing money to make the other suffer kind of hate. One thing they’ve made clear, that their only goal relating to each other is to outlive the other. It’s the ONE thing they actually agree on.. When you mention one to the other.. that’s what they say.. Oh I’m gunna outlive him/her if it’s the last thing I do. 

My mother was hospitalized for congestive heart failure and a flare up of her COPD (which she didn’t even know she had because she hasn’t been to a doctor in 13 years). It’s why I’ve been working so much at the hotel.. because if I don’t work her shifts they’ll hire someone else to do it and she won’t have a job to go back to if she can. Now she’s strapped on oxygen and on top of working I have to take care of her like she’s another child. 

Then on Friday I received a call from my Aunt Debbie about my father. Apparently he has prostate cancer that was diagnosed months ago. But he not only didn’t tell anyone, but he has refused any kind of medical treatment. He is almost literally on his death bed… 

And rather than digest the information about my father dying… I laugh… I seriously laugh that they are at the point of racing each other to death…….. 


The Return of the Lilies




When life is testing you, and pushing you to your limits… remember:Image


My garden has been seriously neglected this year. It probably wasn’t HGTV worthy.. but it was my garden and it was my communion with nature and all that.

Now I’m working 6 nights a week and what time I have during the day is taking care of the house, my mother and children and whatever obligations I’ve signed myself up for… It’s been exhausting.

I seriously want to break and just throw in the towel….

But what keeps me going…still is my garden.

It’s like the Charley Brown Christmas tree of gardens right now, mostly dried up dirt.


Yet look at my lilies! Last year I broke up the insane amount of bunches that they had huddled in and ended up with almost twice as many more this year. In all I ended up having 112 bulbs that in the past week bloomed. The timing couldn’t have been more needed.



This was a reminder to myself that no matter how bleak situations feel, beauty will always triumph if you allow it. I may want to break down and give up.. but the beauty of my character will keep me strong if I continue to focus on the positive.


I snipped some and have them in the window so they can be a reminder to my strength. Soon I will need to battle the epic dish pile waiting to be hand washed since our dishwasher decided to break. (See this month is cursed!)



These lilies never last long, so I’m trying to make the best of enjoying them while I can!